Tweets of the Old Republic
A few months ago, I picked up a cheap copy of Knights of the Old Republic on Steam. I finally got around to playing it a couple of weeks ago and finally finished it last night. This was the first time I'd ever played the game, and I really liked it.
Being the attention whore that I am, I also started tweeting my various (allegedly) humourous thoughts at various points of the game. This prompted a couple of people to start following we, which just egged me on.
So, for posterity and for the benefit of those who don't follow me on Twitter, I'm reproducing them here. They'll likely only make sense if you've played the game. Also, I've tried to avoid spoilers, but there may be a few here and there. So be warned.
The Dark Side of the Force is insignificant next to this pile of frag grenades.
Nothing says Star Wars quite like gratuitous desert racing.
The first wraid plate gets me 500 credits; the others get me a measly 30-ish each? I think I need to call the Jedi SEC.
NOW, you tell me you brother's on Tatooine? After we just got back? Are you sure you didn't leave your blankee there too?
I'm sorry to have to tell you this Mission, but your brother failed to spawn.
Of course I play light-side! The Sith are all assholes. It's like the darkness comes from a giant metaphysical buttcrack.
Also, I mess with Bastila whenever I can. If ego were the path to the Dark Side, she'd be a Sith Lord by now.
Oh hey! A bunch of dark Jedi. Too bad I'm out of frag grenades.
Me: The Sith tried to recruit me and attacked when I said no. I had to defend myself. Judge: That sounds like them. Case dismissed.
W00T! I have grown in the light side. Now, time to loot the bodies!
I see megashark, but where's the giant octopus?
Also: it turns out that sacrificing a peoples' entire economy for the greater good gives you dark side points. Who knew?
Man, if this Jedi knight thing doesn't work out, I can always go to Manaan and become a lawyer.
Darth Bandon is a dick. And by dick, I mean way too hard to kill.
Aaaaaaaand I need to escape from the Death Star^W^WFlagship. Otherwise, it's not Star Wars.
Also, I think this is the first time I've ever seen anyone in the Star Wars universe wear a space suit.
Darth Bandon, you may be strong in the Dark Side, but that will not save you from my mastery of lowering the difficulty level.
Carth. I am your father.
Hey guys, we're kind busy looting your commander's body so can you hold off on the attack for a moment? Thanks.
Note to self:
DANGER: DO NOT ACTIVATE ASSAULT DROIDmeans what it says.
For the last time, Bastila! I'm killing them to deprive the Sith of resources, not just to take their stuff!
No, I am your father. (Also, thanks to http://starwars.wikia.com for spoiling that in an article about an empty apt. on Taris.)
A legal problem on Manaan? Sure Elora, I can help you.
Your honor, I would like to strike all of the eyewitness accounts on the grounds that they're lying Sith.
Ah, I get it. The Sith Academy is just a giant frathouse.
On one hand, I feel a little bad for the pledges. But then, they are trying really hard to join the Super Evil Club.
Jorak Uln: Worst gameshow host EVER!
Hmmm. A door, leading to a room full of nasty monsters. I'd better wedge it open so it doesn't lock behind me.
Wait, my Sith ally is turning on me? Colour me sarcastically surprised!
Helped Juhani resist the Dark Side; now looting the body.
I can't wait to see you use this 'life force' of yours to rend our enemies limb from limb.<--ACTUAL (EMBELLISHED) QUOTE!!!!
Wow. I'm pretty badass against those gizka!
Man, KOTOR really needs a hideously deformed villain. It's not Star Wars without it. Oh, wait. Never mind.
Brainwashed by the Dark Side? Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.
Oh hey. It's a catwalk over an impossibly deep shaft. How... unexpected.
That's no moon. It's a space station.
If the Light Side makes me weak, then why do I keep kicking your ass? Tell me that?
Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Where's your Sith Lord now?
Hmmm. A door flanked with little banners. Malak, I'm hoooome!
Okay, so I'm separated from everyone in my party who has Destroy Droid, but what's the worst that can happen?
Aaaand: Epic lightsaber battle, big explosion, medal ceremony and roll the credits over John Williams' title theme.
And that's it.
# Comments by Disqus Posted 2013-03-09 00:04:00 UTC; last changed 2013-03-09 00:05:00 UTC